Dear Wife Who's Struggling With Her Body Image....


I so get you.

For the past 8 years I have struggled with the way I feel about myself. The saddest part is that 8 years ago, I was 60 lbs lighter than I am now.

When I had my son, I actually weighed less than I do now. I attribute it completely to severe morning sickness, because I actually lost 20 lbs in my first trimester. I was back into my pre-pregnancy jeans 2 weeks postpartum...

....and I was happy.

But I found that my happiness came more from little baby coo's and giggles. And that I soon gained all of my weight back. And that made me a not so happy wife.

Dear Wife who's struggling with her body image,

I get it.


I look at myself in the mirror and think, "gross".

I try to lose weight and quite honestly I just don't have the time for it. Is that an excuse? No. But people don't really understand it when you say that. There are certainly lazy people in this world, but there are also extremely busy wives and many of which have children running around their home all day. We're lucky if we remember to feed them...

But I do have time for one thing. I have time to eat healthy. And while it's only a baby step, it's a step. Eating healthier has made me feel so much better about myself. And even though I haven't lost a lot of "weight", I feel better.

Dear Wife...throw that scale out of the window.

You.Are.Beautiful.

And when your husband tells you you're beautiful, smile. Because believe it or not, he means it.

You see, your beauty doesn't just come from the way you look. In fact, most of your beauty really is on the inside. In fact, your sweet inner quiet spirit is much more desirable. And if you happen to have a smokin' body -- well, that's just a bonus.

Dear Wife -- the Bible never says you have to be skinny, but the Bible does say that you are a beautiful creation no matter what you look like. The Bible doesn't say that you have to eat cardboard, but the Bible does say that gluttony is a sin, and that we should take care of the Lord's temple, which is our very own body. The Bible doesn't say that unless you weigh 115 lbs, you are obese. But the Bible does say that you are loved by an amazing God who looks at your heart, rather than your outer appearance.

And while this isn't an excuse or letter allowing you to let yourself go or not try to live a healthy lifestyle -- it is a letter letting you know that

you're gorgeous.
you're amazing.
you aren't ugly.
you aren't "gross".
your husband really does think you're beautiful.
you don't have to have a flat stomach -- now or 10 years from now.
you don't have to fit into a size 2 pant or even a size 12.
your kids think you're awesome, especially when you're covered in face paint.
your husband thinks you're even more awesome when you're covered in face paint (and yes, he really does love your tiger striped belly).
your body is a distraction, start thinking of it in a positive light. you.are.hot.
you are bootylicious -- so much so that spell check can't even find that bootyliciousness in it's spelling chart...now I'm just making it mad.
your scale is a liar, and don't believe a single thing it tells you.
you're fabulous, and I guarantee that there is another woman who looks at you and on the inside says to herself, "if only I looked like her". Don't believe me? I'd bet my last dollar...and I'm not kidding (because it has happened to me...and I laughed hysterically and told her to go see a neurologist).
you will look even more gorgeous if you smile and buy clothes that aren't 2 sizes too small simply because you can't accept the fact that you've gained weight. And when you're comfortable (yet classy), you carry yourself better, therefore, you look your best. Own it, girlfriend.

and most of all...

you will never lose weight unless you accept yourself as you are now.

Because you will constantly be disappointed with the outcome, even if you lose 5 lbs in one week.

Embrace it. You are what you are right now, and it can change. But before it can change, your heart must change. You must love yourself first, so that you can love yourself enough to change -- to have a healthier lifestyle, to eat  healthier, and to maybe even fit in a workout once a week (running up and down stairs after a 3 year old is acceptable).

So here's to us, struggling wife...

Those of us who feel gross. Those of us who aren't happy with our flabby stomachs and double chins.

Here's to us...

I love you, I love myself, and I hope that you can see just how amazing you really are.

Here's to living a healthier lifestyle before ever caring about what the scale says or what the next popular diet is.

And trust me, you'll be much happier...




3 comments

  1. so very happy that i stumbled across your blog!!! love it! i actually came really close to naming my blog something very similar ♥ i look forward to future reading! loving all your insight!
    have a great day!

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  2. You're close, Amy, and I do appreciate your thoughts, but a couple points missed the mark -

    1. "And if you happen to have a smokin' body -- well, that's just a bonus." This only affirms the guilt that everyone without a smokin' body feels - my husband is cheated because he doesn't get the bonus. He just gets me.

    2. Even though it's just a picture of a woman from the knees down, in jeans, it's still completely obvious that she is tiny - those aren't size 14 - or 18 - calves or ankles...and the picture that GodFruits chose to use when they reprinted your blog is completely counterintuitive to everything you wrote - a beautiful, size 0 20-something with porcelain, photoshopped complexion and eyelashes from here to eternity. You may have no control over what they do with your writings, but if that's the case, I'd look into some security and copyright protection.

    Please don't let my comments discourage your writing - you have a great thing going here - but as a 50-something wife who has struggled with a rollercoaster ride on the scales since age 9, I just know that we can talk all the talk about acceptance that we choose, but society, both men and women, are a long ways from seeing beyond outer packages to inner beauty, especially when we can't even illustrate the truth.

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    Replies
    1. I understand your points, and in so many ways you are absolutely right. I absolutely understand what you'res saying. But believe it or not, some women who are a size 0 are just as insecure as those who are a size 20. I know this, because I'm friends with them. As with anything, the blog isn't a "one size fits all", because nothing in life is. It's a general writing for the every day wife who has her own personal issues to work through about her own preconceived notions of herself. It is not meant for the abused or deeply hurting wife, because that is a much deeper issue that needs to be dealt with (such as adultery or mental/physical abuse).

      I've never been skinny, with the exception of right before I got married. I've always been fluffy and have never felt good about myself because of what society told me. The fact is, society is wrong. But if we refuse to see that and continue to prove it right, then we are simply allowing them to control who is "pretty" and who is "not". While I'm not skinny, I'm also not a size 20...so does that leave me out too? When did we, as society, get to say who could feel insecure and who could not?

      A study was done that showed over 75% of adulterous marriages happen, not because of physical issues, but because of emotional ones. And I've seen it through out my entire life, even from a young age. I've seen beautiful and attractive people commit adultery with someone (sometimes multiple people), and yet not nearly as attractive as their spouse. And that's just it -- it doesn't "make sense" in so many cases...because it's not always about the physical side...it truly is about how full someones love tank is, how they feel about themselves, and going after that "in love/fun" moment with someone else. And also because of selfishness and immorality.

      The truth is, all wives, no matter how big or how small, have dealt with insecurity at some point in their lives. <3

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