What is a Godly Marriage? | Christ is Your Foundation + Prioritizing Relationships

Today we are continuing with our series titled, What is a Godly Marriage? If you missed any of the other blogs in this series, click here to catch up!  Today's post is about making (and keeping) Christ as your foundation in your marriage and we'll also touch on prioritizing relationships in your marriage and household. This series was originally a 7 part series, however, I have decided to combine the remaining two posts as they do slightly go hand in hand. Enjoy! [Amy]




I had it all wrong when I said those words..."I do".  Many times we get them wrong. We say "I do" because we know our future spouse is going to say it as well. We say it because we know that if they take care of us, then we'll take care of them. We say it for our spouses, rather than vowing this commitment to ourselves. But what happens when the wedding is over? What happens to those vows, those promises? I bet you can't even remember what your vows said the day you got married. And if you can, you're a better person than I am. However, there was one particular thing that stood out to me in our marriage vows....the one and only thing I remember.


We made a promise, a vow, to one another to never stray from Christ, and that Christ would always be our foundation and refuge, even if we were crumbling in our marriage or as individuals.


When I think back on that day, I think of all the emotions that were running around in my heart and head. And while I couldn't guarantee that our marriage would be fun and easy, nor could I even guarantee that I could fully uphold my end of the bargain, I knew...without a shadow of a doubt, that I could and would always put my trust and hope in the Lord. That I would never stop seeking His face.


Christ is Your Foundation
Through out the Bible we read about Christ being the head of the church and the head of our lives and households. Marriages are not exempt from that. I especially like Colossians 3:12-17:

"Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity. 
Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace.And be thankful. Let the message of Christ dwell among you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom through psalms, hymns, and songs from the Spirit, singing to God with gratitude in your hearts. And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him."
After these verses, we're given instructions on how to run our households, how to act towards our spouses, etc. And it only seems fitting that the last verse says "...whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus." Christ should always be, first and foremost, our foundation in marriage. If you have a dispute, take it to God...together. If you are dealing with something at work, take it to God before unloading on your spouse. If you're having issues with finances in your marriage, God is waiting for you to consult with Him. And even if you are having an amazing day...you guessed it...make sure you are beginning and ending your day singing praises to our King...individually and together.

While husbands are head of the household and wives are co-managers; Jesus is the President...the King. The author and finisher of our lives. In everything we do, say, and think, we should first think about how this affects our relationship with Christ and whether or not it will please Him. Notice I said Him and not your spouse. We should certainly be concerned with pleasing our spouses, but we must first be concerned and lead by the convictions of the Holy Spirit. 
When your desire to please God outweighs your desire to please your spouse and the rest of the world, your marriage becomes impenetrable.

Husbands, you can only efficiently run your household if you first have a better relationship with Christ, a better relationship than you have with your spouse. Be a little more concerned with pleasing God by making the right decisions versus displeasing your spouse and sleeping on the sofa that night. 
Wives, before you can manage your home, husband, children, work and everything else that gets thrown at you during the day, you must first make a commitment to and make time for God in the mornings and evenings. Before you can fully give your husband what he needs from you, you must first give Christ your undivided attention. You must first become the wife and woman that God wants you to be before you can become the wife that your husband needs you to be. 

The same goes for each spouse. Before you can fully be the husband or wife your spouse needs you to be, you must first become the man or woman in Christ that God has called you to be -- the husband or wife that He longs for you to be, daily walking in grace, mercy and love. But in order to become that, you must have your foundation firmly placed in Christ in all situations. This doesn't mean we won't come unglued sometimes -- we most definitely will. But in the end, are you making your marriage and household decisions based on self righteousness? Or are you making these decisions based on "is this obedient to Christ and will it please the Lord"?

Prioritizing Relationships
It's hard to prioritize relationships now days because we have so many relationships to keep up with. However, the basics are fairly simple. 
God. Spouse. Children. Other Relationships. God lays it out pretty easily for us through the Bible, and I hope that I've conveyed it through out this entire series with plenty of scripture references.

First, every Christian should have a firm foundation in Christ, as stated above. But it's not as easy as just believing in God. Jesus longs for a personal one-on-one relationship with each of us. Too often we prioritize work and play over our relationship with God, and then we complain that we don't have enough time to read the Bible or pray. If we thought logically, we could cut the TV off in the mornings and evenings and read the word of God. Rather than watching that TV show that you most likely shouldn't be watching, spend that time praying and asking God to reveal Himself to you more and more. And most of all, ask Him what He wills for you to do to further His kingdom...and then be ready and willing to hear for the answer.


Second, your spouse. Say what? Aren't children more important? Well, yes and no. Children need you in their lives. They need to be taken care of, fed, taught, clothed. Those things are no brainer's. However, your spouse should always take priority over them. That doesn't mean you aren't supposed to take care of your children, because you most certainly are. But it does mean if your husband needs your attention or help, you give it to him rather than saying "I can't right now, I'm busy with the kids". Far too often moms complain that their husbands never show them attention, when in all reality their husband has tried, but the wife was just "too busy with the kids". And wives, this most certainly always means that you serve your spouse before serving your children -- something as simple as making his place setting at the table first can show more respect than you may think, and it teaches your sons and daughters how to treat their father as well (and how they should treat or be treated by their future spouse).

Husbands, this means that if your wife needs your help bringing up the laundry from downstairs, you don't tell the kids to help her, you help her. She is longing for your help, not her children's. This also means that if your wife wants to be near you or vent, you send the kids outside for 15 minutes or tell them to go stay in the living room for a little bit while mommy and daddy go have a private conversation in their locked bedroom.


Third, children. Children will always come before other family members and friendships outside of your household. You have been given the amazing task of training these little human beings. It is your responsibility to make sure that they are receiving the training and instruction that they should from you. This may mean no more late nights out with the guys, or no more girls nights out every month. This might mean picking and choosing which friendships or family relationships are worth keep, and which ones should be severed due to not being a good influence on your children. These are tough decisions to make, but they are completely essential to raising a child of God.


Last, all other relationships. As mentioned above, sometimes we have to pick and choose which relationships are beneficial to us and to our families. Sometimes these are tough decisions to make, but they are essential. You'll find that the more obedient you are in Christ, the happier your life will be....even during the tough decision making moments. This doesn't mean that you can't have friends, you most certainly should. But make sure that these friends and family relationships are beneficial to your family -- that they are a Christ like influence on you and your spouse. If they aren't, maybe it's time to pray about it and consider cutting those ties and moving on. In everything you do and in every decision you make, be sure that you're heeding to the Holy Spirit. Ask yourself these questions: Would this relationship please God? Would I want my children acting the way my friends do? Are my friends/family a bad influence on my marriage? Is this relationship or decision going to help my marriage grow, or make it take an unnecessary blow? 

Always remember that God, your spouse and your children are your first priorities. When He sends you, you should follow. Whether it be physically moving and going where He sends you or it just be a step for growth in your marriage and walk with Christ.

In Closing....

I hope that you have enjoyed this "What is a Godly Marriage?" blog series. As you can see, your marriage is one of the greatest ministries you can have in this world, and because of that, Satan certainly tries his hardest to make marriages fail....especially Christ centered ones. I urge you to read and re-read each blog post. I also urge you to do your own reading of the word and search God's heart while going through this series. I wish I could touch on every little thing that God has laid on my heart for you, but there aren't enough pages in this world...as we are constantly growing and learning in Him. We'll never get to a point where we "know everything" there is to know and understand about God's design for our lives, including marriage. Each marriage is individually unique, but if we follow that basics that are laid out in the Bible for us, I know that we can beat the rising divorce statistics that this world so diligently wants us to fall into.
Blessings to you and your marriage. I pray peace and understanding would fill your hearts, and that  unconditional love would fill your homes!


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