A Wife Blog

Today's blog is for the wives -- the professional working woman, the house wife, the stay at home mom (who also acts as teacher and maid!), and everyone else out there.  For the wife who's been there, who's getting there, and who's there right now -- you are more precious than you will ever realize.  Take this time to focus on yourself, just for a few minutes :)

This weekend my husband turned to me and asked me what my 'problem' was -- he told me that I wasn't 'being myself'.  Honestly, I don't know why, but I noticed it as well.  I was just, cranky.  Anything could have set me off.  Maybe it was the work week flowing over into the weekend.  Maybe it was something he said that peeved me off but I couldn't remember what it was.  Maybe it was the fact that he left Chic-fil-a sauce packets in my car and they exploded all over my jeans (that stuff stains, by the way).  Or maybe it was because he said "is it that time of the month again? I can tell...your hormones are all out of wack." ...um, what?  1. No, it's not that time of the month again. 2. Something else is going to be out of wack in a second if you keep that kind of talk up. And 3. again, what!? 

I love my husband and I will love him to the ends of the earth no matter what life throws our way.  I sit back now and laugh at our conversation, and the fact that he was truly trying to convey to me that he is starting to understand that women are completely different than men and sometimes even we don't know why we have an attitude or why we're being moody.  "It's all of your weird women hormones...", he says. ;) However, he could've chosen a completely different time or way to say that.  But I got his point either way!

I know what my issue was, but it's not something I generally talk about and it's not something I consider 'hormonal'.  I truly believe that women were equipped with different emotions than men, and that we have a bigger issue dealing with them than they do.  We often become more emotionally attached or emotionally drained.  We are, after all, created to be the care takers -- the moms who kiss boo-boo's and rock our little ones to sleep every night, the wives who clean their house and make it a home, and the wives who want nothing more than a life full of love and happiness.

So what is my issue?  I often think about the things I'd like to do in life, I think about them way too often actually.  And I have to wonder, do other wives think about similar things?  Not necessarily what I want to do in/with my life, no.  But do other wives generally think upon the things they'd like to be doing to glorify God or to just do with their lives in general?  I'm not talking about me wanting to win a million dollars or anything -- I'm talking about our simple desires, whether it be wanting a better relationship with our spouse, wanting to be able to stay at home with your children, or wanting to travel and spread the gospel to other places in this world.  I think about my desires and I often let it ruin my day when I realize that they haven't happened yet (and often lose hope that they never will happen).

"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." [Jeremiah 29:11]

But then I think on this above verse, and my spirit is calmed.  I have always had a lot of plans, hopes and dreams for my life.  They are simple, really simple.  Some might not even call them dreams.  But I often forget that the plans I have for my life aren't always the plans that God has for my life at that time.  In some cases, it's hard for me to think about it. I get bitter, run down and sad.  But in that last stretch, when I just can't handle it anymore, my strength is renewed.  You know that verse,

"but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength.  They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint." [Isaiah 40:31]

When I put my hope in the LORD, my strength is renewed.  When I throw out all of the thoughts and hopes that I have for my life and place them in God's hands, new life is breathed into me...and I can travel this road that He's laid out for me for another day, another week, another month, another year.  I can trust that He knows my hearts cry, and that He has never ever failed me before (even if in a moment I've thought that He has).  I can trust that even when I think He's not listening or that He doesn't care about what I want, He really does care. 

"...Yet not one of them [sparrows] will fall to the ground outside your Father’s care. And even the very hairs of your head are all numbered. So don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows." [Matthew 10:29-31] 
Not a single sparrow falls from the sky without Him knowing, and without Him caring.  And we....YOU....are worth more than many sparrows.  Can you imagine?  God knows every single worry, fear, care, want, need, hurt, and happy thing that's in your life and that has not yet entered into your life.  He see's my simple wants, and He cares.  Like that song "He Knows My Name" -- He knows my name, He knows my every thought, He see's each tear that falls...and hears me when I call.

He see's my simple desire to be a stay at home mom, to homeschool my child(ren), to be that Proverbs woman (which is going to take a lot of work for me!), to teach other children, to spend all of my spare time putting work into our church and children's ministry, and to glorify Him, above all else.  This has nothing to do with my husband (though he'll be involved and I should pray with him about my desires)...but it has everything to do with me.  If I didn't have the beautiful one on one time with my precious Savior, if I didn't cry out to him every single night when I pray (not just about these desires), if I didn't uncover my raw ugly state of a human being in front of my Holy Father....I would've never ever come to this realization.  My life is a mere speck of dust to this universe.  I am nothing without Him, but I mean everything to Him.  Each and every one of us mean everything, more than even the tiny sparrow that He mourns the loss of, to the Creator of the universe.  
I'll admit, I can get pretty bitter about this sometimes.  But, as I said before, in that last stretch, when I just can't handle it anymore, my strength is renewed.  In that final moment when I don't know why I work so hard when no one else cares, in that final moment when I feel like I'm wasting time in my life with the 60+ hrs I work every week, those 60+ hrs that I don't get to spend quality time with my child or husband, in that final moment when I allow myself to believe that I just wasn't cut out for this...I realize, I cry, and I thank God for putting up with this hormonal soul.  When we embrace what we're going through and realize that there is a purpose, there is a reason, and in the midst of the storm we are to praise our Father because no matter what happens (even if they are the consequences of bad choices that we've made), He will renew our strength.  He will bring us through it. He will teach us new things during our hardships. But we must first accept it.  It doesn't mean you can't have desires.  It doesn't mean you shouldn't want certain things for your life, but we have to trust that God knows our desires, He hears our cry and He knows what we need -- but He has placed us where we are for a reason.  Even if you never realize what that reason is, He will direct your steps, He will not leave you, He will never forsake you, and He will always, always love you and take care of you.  Always.  
God is constant and remains the same, but we are constantly changing.  I urge you to set aside that private time with Him daily.  To cry out to Him, to talk with Him as if He's right there with you.  If you don't have alone time during the day, I urge you to make it!  If  you are a working mom and wife, I urge you to make the time to say "hey guys, I'm going to lock myself in the bedroom for a bit, I'll be back in a few".  And even if you can't do that (because I know I certainly don't always have the time), my favorite spot to have alone time with God is right before bedtime while I'm taking a shower or just going through my nightly routine when no one is around.  Even just a few mins can work wonders.  He's our Savoir, our Father, our Friend.  And He is there for us, when we're happy, when we're angry (even with Him), when we're struggling, or when we just want to love on Him. 

We are nothing without Him, but we are everything to Him.

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